Alarming reflection

We keep cats primarily as a source of amusement. They chase bits of string around, get themselves into undignified positions and then sit up and lick themselves as if nothing has happened, and settle impudently wherever they're not allowed and look affronted when chased off. They are an endless source of fun.

Yet from the way they act, you'd think they keep us primarily as a source of amusement. You know that look; you're waving a favorite toy in front of them, trying to get them to chase it, and they're just sitting there aloofly, giving you a disdainful look, as if to say, "What on earth is that strange person doing, and what am I supposed to do about it?"

Who, exactly, is keeping whom?

148,515

Beat that.

OK, so it won't be that hard.

Merry CHRISTmas!

God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"

The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God."

(Luke 1:26-35)
-------------------------------
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world...and everyone went to their own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."

(Luke 2:1-14)

Grammatical Post of the Day

As any grammar nazi knows, apostrophes are NOT used in plurals. A message with enough "apple's" and "orange's" can drive a true fanatic, e.g. the humble author, to screaming and frothing at the mouth. But at the same time, apostrophes are used to indicate eliminated letters, as in "o'er". So:

The plural of a word such as "box" is "boxes"...but would "box's" be a valid spelling, given that the apostrophe could indicate the eliminated E?

Wow.

It takes serious talent to get music this bad.

In case you're wondering about the story behind it, it's here.

A new holiday tradition

How many tunes can you sing with the words of "Amazing Grace"?

So far I have:
Joy to the World
How Great Our Joy!
O Christmas Tree
O Come All Ye Faithful
O Come, O Come, Emmanuel
It Came Upon the Midnight Clear
The First Noel

And, of course, the classic Gilligan's Island theme tune and What Child Is This.

Some repetition may be necessary to fit the tune, as in Joy to the World.

Exciting new offer!

If you get this item, I guarantee your life will be changed. If you don't believe me, read the reviews.

Key reviews:
"Staring down a maniacal cosmonaut in his secret underground missile base, I instinctively reached for the BIC Crystal ballpoint in my pocket, only to discover to my horror that it did NOT have an emergency laser gun inside it. Heaven knows what the manufacturers were thinking, as every other pen I've used on a daily basis for the past 40 years included a gun or laser.

It's an adequate pen for accountants or lawyers or beekeepers, but not deadly enough to use to impress hot femme fatales with your pen-shooting skills."
------------------------
"Whilst this may cost more than a piece of pointy charcoal, I think the extra cost is justified."
------------------------
"It stares.

It stares. It does!

Oh, god, it stares.

Please make it stop."

As a lover of the oldies, all I can say is...

Wow.

823 versions in 63 hours. Beat that.

Ho Ho Ho!

If you ever felt the lack of bizarre Nativity sets...take a look at these.

Get your...

Peculiar Aristocratic Title!

---Reverend Countess Snowhere the Defenestrated of Giggleswich Lanken

Poll

Is it worse to struggle through streets that haven't been plowed or streets that have, after a new layer of snow has fallen and frozen - the more dangerous since it looks clear in previously plowed areas?

Did that even make sense?

Question...

EDIT: I have been informed that my rant did not have an opening tag. So:
<rant>
Why do people feel it necessary to ask how I'm doing when we pass on the way to class? A quick "Hi" I can understand, but why, when I'm walking quickly towards the classroom, in the opposite direction from them, do people ask "How's it going"? It's even weirder when I'm on my bike, and I'm almost past them before they're finished speaking. What am I supposed to do, shout out a quick summary of how my day's been going as I zip by?
</rant>

Christmas Gift List

For the person of today who prefers the information storage devices of yore...

Compact Floppy Disks!

In keeping with the season...

I will link again to Bob Rivers, of the demented Christmas parodies.

More Random T-Shirts

National Sarcasm Society: Like we need your support.

Working Together to End Miniature Dog Clothes

Keep Out of Direct Sunlight

I try to please someone every day. Today is not your day.


Random bumper sticker:

Don't blame me, I voted against Bush. Twice.

Marco!

Polo!

I know it's a popular game, but still...

Life Imitates Art

I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow...
Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

(Lyrics from Tom Lehrer's Hunting Song)

Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving!

And of course, it wouldn't be complete without the famous WKRP Turkey Drop.

Happy Guy Fawkes Night!

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up King and Parli'ment.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

Meow

Just wanted to post some pictures of my little torturess...

Kitty!

Why do we keep them?

You know a journal is scientific when...

You can't understand half the ads.

"Now Available: Pre-made shRNA Plasmids for 200 Kinases"
"Shoes are like kinases. One is never enough."
"NEB Catalog & Technical Reference - 15 new Restriction Enzymes, Antarctic Phosphatase, ShortCut siRNA Mixes, TransPass Transfection Reagents for siRNA and DNA"

Transportation

Many people bring their bikes to college. Quite a few bring skateboards, and some bring scooters. Some people bring their vehicles, then walk to class when they find out how hard it is to park. Many students don't bring anything.

But one student brought a novel method of transportation - a unicycle.

Why?

Futility

...is having the sprinklers going full blast in a pouring rain.

You'd think there'd be an automatic shutoff. Or at least a manual one.

Your attention, please.

"An emergency has been reported in this building. Please leave the building as quickly as possible. Do not use the elevators."
---BEEP---BEEP---BEEP---
[Repeat ad nauseam]

I hate fire drills.

Arrrrrrrr!

It be Talk Like a Pirate Day, me hearties!

Get yer Pirate Name and learn to talk like a true scurvy son of the seas!

And if there be any other links ye need for a truly piratical day, look herrrrrrrrre!

Pirate Snow the Mauve

Question of the Day

Seen on a whiteboard -

What is:
√onion
?

Traffic...

I'm almost starting to prefer driving to biking around campus. Driving at least has rules. Biking, I have a choice. Heading to campus, I can take the bike lane in the road, which is very rough, about 1½ bikes wide, and usually occupied by bikes going the other direction, and occasionally cars pulling into parking spots. Or I can take the sidewalk, which is usually crowded with students going veeeeerrrry slllloooowwwwlly (compared to biking speed). Then there's the grass, if I feel like dodging the trees.

On campus, biking is a hair-raising experience. The paths are full of students - mostly pedestrians, quite a few bikers and skateboarders, but also cars, roller bladers, even wheelchairs. None of them stay on one side of the path or the other. People stop to chat in the middle of the path. Faster transportation (bikes, skateboards) have to dodge and weave among slower. Periodically two bikes going opposite directions will head for the same gap in traffic, with potentially disastrous results.

And I can STILL never remember where I parked.

Book of the Day

A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates.

Don't you want to just rush right out and buy it?

Belated...

Happy Free Hugs Day!

Geek Joke of the Day

A quantum physics student forgot his homework. He told his professor, "Last night I calculated the momentum of my homework so precisely, it could be anywhere in the universe."



If you understand that, shave Schroedinger's cat with Occam's razor.

Rationale for Procrastination

Originally found in the Journal of Irreproducible Results.

Alert biologists search for the potential survival advantage of structures or behavior patterns which occur commonly and in diverse groups. Procrastination behavior is analyzed here to determine if procrastination does more than merely satisfy Parkinson's Law, that work tends to fill the allotted time.

Most procrastination behavior is performed against a deadline, e.g. a manuscript which requires one month's effort is due one year from today. A skillful procrastinator will spend at least 11½ months working on other projects and trying, but not quite coming to grips with, the project under discussion. The work of the 11½ months will probably be necessary to clear the desk as it is covered by work that is past due, i.e. work which cannot in clear conscience be further postponed. In examining the merits of the procrastination strategy - that of starting two weeks before the deadline rather than a year before - the following attributes of procrastination become apparent.

1. Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination on someone else (the authority who imposed the deadline).
2. It reduces anxiety by reducing the expected quality of the project from the best of all possible efforts to the best that can be expected given the limited time.
3. Status is gained in the eyes of others, and in one's own eyes, because it is assumed that the importance of the work justifies the stress.
4. Avoidance of interruptions including the assignment of other duties can usually be achieved, so that the obviously stressed worker can concentrate on the single effort. Under non-stressed conditions, the refusal to answer the phone, host visitors, or attend to routine matters wold be considered intolerably rude.
5. Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing to do.
6. It may eliminate the job if the need passes before the job can be done.

These advantages which accrue from the strategy of procrastination obviously serve to reinforce procrastination behavior. An in-depth examination of such rewards or payoffs of games has been made by Berne. A study of the survival and reproductive rates of procrastinators and controls is beyond the scope of this report.

The time spent on this effort was a form of procrastination on all the other things I should have been doing. This effort was supported by no grant.

Office Game of the Week

Faceball.

Whose brilliant idea was it...

...to put the frats right by the dorms? (Or for that matter, right by anything except a nuclear testing facility.) I can hear the music two blocks away. That's still more pleasant than the shrill screaming contests.

Mail call...

OK, I can understand the ads for Arby's, Domino's, and Walmart. College students are an excellent target for those. But what on EARTH could possibly have brought on the ad from AARP?!

Favorite T-Shirt Slogan of the Day

Sarcasm: Just One Of My Many Talents

Most incomprehensible slogans:
Stars and Straps

Stick a Fork in Us, We're Done

Most disturbing:
I Saw Your Mom on the Internet

Things I've learned today

1. There are far too many people on campus. Most of them are going where I want to be, only much slower than I am.
2. I need a rain shield for my bike.
3. Never drink straight buttermilk or lactose-free milk.
4. Blue cheese tastes and smells as moldy as it looks.
5. Never sign up for a class that starts an hour before you usually wake up.

All this from the first day of class. You can learn a lot at college!

Cute.

Right across from the cafeteria, there's a bar called "The Library". You can just imagine the conversations...

"Um, yeah, Professor...I'm just going to the library."

A word to the wise...

Never bike half the day and then sit still in an uncomfortable position for a 3-hour movie.

Ow.

College

First night at college...the bunk bed is about 6 feet high. Naturally I'm on top. There is NO air-conditioning, and I can hear every truck that roars through the parking lot and every door that slams on the floor. This is going to be a LONG year.

Murdering the Bard

*Disclaimer: I am not actually criticizing him, no matter what it sounds like; I like Shakespeare. I'm just making fun of him.

SHAKESPEARE IN THE SKY WITH SONNETS

Picture thyself but a face in a mirror,
Whose image is found alone in the face
Of thy misbegotten and ill-treated offspring,
Who, if he looks different, is thought a disgrace.

Hideous contrast of youth and old age,
Remembering what you have lost.
Look for thy visage - behold it move out - he is gone.

See yourself renewed in your children?
Shakespeare didn't have many children
Sonnet number 3 sounds like nonsense

This verse was based on Sonnet 3, which talks about how a person's beauty is preserved through his/her children.